Unraveling the Inner Chaos: An Exploration of The Storm Inside

In the world of journalism, the line between the personal and the professional can often blur, especially for freelance reporters who navigate the chaos of conflict zones and the pressures of deadlines. This is a story about a journalist who, like many in the industry, struggled in silence with mental health issues, but whose experiences eventually led to a path of treatment and understanding.

It was April 2016, and the journalist, then in London, was editing a documentary. The months leading up to this moment had been spent in Iraq, embedded with the country's special forces, battling for control of a province against the Islamic State. The adrenaline-fueled days and sleepless nights took a toll, and the journalist felt the first signs of a manic episode.

The author's emotional extremes seemed to be a part of who they were, and colleagues chalked it up to the chaotic life of a freelance conflict journalist. However, these episodes were more than just the usual stress of the job. The author had intense episodes of mania, leading to burning bridges with editors and being perceived as arrogant, an asshole, a drunk, a drug fiend, or all of the above.

The journalist's career, however, was far from ordinary. They had a successful career as a freelance journalist, with their work being published in the New York Times and other leading outlets, and having contracts with NPR and the BBC. Yet, the culture of boozing and rampant drug use in journalism often overshadowed the issue of mental illness, making it easier for the journalist to cope with their condition through substances, not much different from many of their colleagues.

The author's mental health issues were not just a secret they kept from the public, but also from their peers. One incident that brought this to light was when the author called the photo editor at the New York Times a "fucking wanker" on Facebook, tagging everyone they knew in the industry.

The author's diagnosis with bipolar 1 did eventually help them, as it gave a name to the chaos and a path to treatment. The author was later taken to a mental hospital, where they were diagnosed for the first time. The author is now supported in the treatment of their bipolar disorder by the Psychiatrisches Zentrum Nordbaden (PZN), a specialized psychiatric hospital in Wiesloch and its surrounding clinics that treat bipolar and other psychiatric disorders.

Bipolar disorder involves dramatic mood swings between euphoric, hyperactive mania and crushing, paralyzing depression. The author had experienced euphoria so intense that people around him thought he was drunk or high, and following each burst of mania came crushing, lonely lows.

The author's experiences serve as a reminder that mental health is an issue that affects many in the journalism industry, and that it's important to break the stigma surrounding it. Freelancers, on their own, are often discarded when they break, without the support that staffers might receive from their news outlets. It's crucial to create a supportive environment where journalists can seek help without fear of being outcast.