Struggling to Pursue My Dream at 29: Unspoken Realities of Caring for a Family Member as a Caregiver
In a poignant turn of events, Simone Heng, a successful professional based in Dubai, found herself embarking on a 1.5-year journey of caretaking for her mother who had suffered a stroke related to a rare genetic condition in 2013. This life-altering event forced Simone to leave her thriving career in Dubai and return to Perth, Australia, to be by her mother's side.
During this challenging period, Simone witnessed her mother's transformation from a fully capable adult to needing the same level of help as a child. Her mother was suffering from paralysis and was unable to focus, a stark contrast to the vibrant, independent woman she once was. Simone and her sister were left to deal with their mother's belongings and the logistics of care.
Through this experience, Simone gained a unique perspective that has since become her 'north star'. She now advocates for emotional openness, practical downsizing, and addressing isolation when it comes to caring for an ill parent.
Simone emphasizes the importance of connecting rather than self-protecting when dealing with family dynamics during caregiving. This approach, she believes, helps alleviate feelings of guilt or shame about your parent's condition or your role.
Regarding downsizing, Simone suggests that helping an ill parent simplify their living situation can be a practical step. This advice is implied through her broader discussions around caregiving, though specific strategies are not explicitly detailed in the available results.
On the emotional aspects, Simone highlights the need to acknowledge loneliness and emotional struggles that both caregivers and the parent might face. She encourages caregivers to confront these feelings openly instead of withdrawing.
To combat the loneliness that arises when caregiving burdens can isolate family members socially and emotionally, Simone advises promoting emotional connection and communication.
Simone's book, 'Let's talk About Loneliness', published by Hay House UK, is a testament to her caregiving journey and the loneliness that came with it. In the book, she shares her experiences and offers advice for others navigating similar circumstances.
Despite the challenges she faced, Simone still carries guilt for leaving her mother's care and for feeling resentment during the caregiving process. However, she advises children who become caretakers to join support groups and to give themselves grace for the guilt they feel.
After a year and a half of caregiving, Simone moved to Singapore due to mental health issues. Her mother is now in a care facility, and her sister now does the brunt of the caregiving, but Simone visits her mother every 90 days in Australia.
In conclusion, Simone's advice points towards balancing practical tasks like downsizing with caring emotional engagement, and resisting the tendency to self-protect emotionally, instead fostering closeness and open communication with the ill parent. Simone believes that people are seeking human connection more than material possessions, a sentiment that resonates deeply in her caregiving journey.
- Simone Heng's book, 'Let's talk About Loneliness', shares insights from her personal caregiving journey, focusing on mental health, emotional openness, and the importance of connection.
- During her caregiving experience, Simone emphasized the significance of addressing isolation and confronting emotional struggles, not only for the parent but also for the caregiver.
- Simone encourages caregivers to simplify their loved ones' living situation as a practical step, while also promoting emotional connection to alleviate feelings of loneliness.
- Simone's caregiving journey has led her to advocate for connecting rather than self-protecting, believing that this approach foster a sense of closeness and open communication, especially when dealing with family-health issues and women's health concerns.
