Nostalgia and Reminiscence: Keys to Understand Your Parents Better
Inquiries to Raise with Guardians, or Inquisitions for Guardians
Haven't you had a meaningful, non-routine chat with your old folks about anything other than their health, the weather, or other family members? Even if you've been around them forever, there's always more to discover about them. Delving into your parents' lives and experiences can be a psychologically empowering experience, not just for them, but for you as well.
The objective here is simple: by asking open-ended questions, you can not only get to know your parents better, but you can also foster emotional intimacy and safeguard memories. This becomes even more crucial when parents are reaching seniority or are dealing with health issues, according to Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider, founder of the non-profit organization End Well, as discussed in the US magazine "Time." And, as she points out, "The stories of our parents can help us comprehend ourselves better."
Thought-provoking Questions
You might already be familiar with the standard inquiries – How are you? How's the garden? But there's a whole world of possibilities beyond these mundane topics. Here are some questions you could consider asking to get to know them better:
- What were you afraid of as a child?
Asking questions about the past can help you appreciate your parents in a new light. Daily life doesn't often provide opportunities for deeper conversations – and by the time you realize it, it might be too late. Dr. Ungerleider suggests making a conscious effort to set aside time for these discussions.
- What do you wish most for my life?
When it comes to health, wealth, and career success, these are obvious aspirations. But social and interpersonal relationships are equally crucial, according to Dr. Ungerleider. You can discuss shared values and the role love and care play in shaping your lives.
- What were your most painful moments?
Addressing sensitive topics requires sensitivity and careful timing. The answer, however, can provide valuable insights into their most formative experiences. Dr. Ungerleider suggests asking, "What helped you overcome this?" to learn about resilience and coping strategies.
- What should people remember about you?
Not everyone considers this question, but it might be better to address it sooner rather than later. It's about more than just physical legacies or creations – it's also about the experiences and emotions people associate with you while you're still around to appreciate them.
Starting the Conversation
Psychologist Jenny Shields from Houston recommends starting with simple yet thought-provoking questions, such as: Is there something you're interested in or thinking about that I don't know about? Such questions can lead to deeper conversations while maintaining an open and inviting atmosphere.
"It's not just about collecting stories," explains Ungerleider. "It's about connection – valuing someone while they're still able to feel and experience it."
Whether it's your father or your mother, or just your child, these conversations can bring you closer together and help you create lasting memories.
Sources: ntv.de, sba/dpa
[1] "5 Open-ended Questions to Ask and Learn More About Your Parents," Verywell Family, accessed August 17, 2023, https://www.verywellfamily.com/5-open-ended-questions-1235996.
[2] "Powerful Questions to Ask Your Parents," HelpGuide, accessed August 17, 2023, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/elder-care/powerful-questions-to-ask-your-parents.htm.
[3] "Conversations With Aging Parents: 10 Questions to Get You Started," Aging Care, accessed August 17, 2023, https://www.agingcare.com/articles/conversations-with-aging-parents-10-questions-to-get-you-started-144151.htm.
- Engaging in discourse about their international experiences and the ways they have adapted to various cultures could provide fascinating insights into your parents' lives.
- To deepen your understanding of their mental health and personal growth, you could ask them about the scientific discoveries or health-and-wellness practices that have significantly influenced their lifestyle.
- Conversations about family dynamics, relationships, and shared values can help both you and your parents foster a stronger bond, ultimately contributing to a more harmonious lifestyle for everyone in the family.
