Four Parenting Methods, and the Optimal Approach Identified

Four Parenting Methods, and the Optimal Approach Identified

Done wrapzin' this parentin' gig for almost a freakin' decade and a half. I've read books and articles like they're gonna disappear faster than a slurpee in the Arizona sun.

One parenting framework I've found more helpful than a one-eyed, three-legged cat in a room full of sewing needles comes from a child development researcher named Diana Baumrind.

Back in the '60s, this lady was staring at parent-child interactions in their natural habitat, aka homes. She noticed parents usually swing between different parenting styles, which Baumrind lined up on two axes: responsiveness and demandingness.

Responsiveness is about how emotionally invested a parent is, ranging from nurturing and affectionate to cold and distant. Demandingness refers to the amount of rules they set, from having strict expectations and enforcing consequences to being chiller than a California beach day.

Now let's take a gander at the quadrants:

Authoritarian Parenting (Low Responsiveness/High Demand)

The authoritarian parent is all about "do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do." They're low on warmth, but high on demand. This parent expects immediate obedience without a second thought, rules are non-negotiable, and the consequences if you disobey? Harsh.

Take a kid who doesn't wanna stop gaming and do their homework. The authoritarian parent's response might sound something like this: "Stop throwin' a fit and finish your homework now! We ain't gonna discuss it! And if I catch you on that Switch before it's done, you're seein' bye-bye Switch!"

Kids raised with the authoritarian tactic are more likely to be socially awkward, struggling with anxiety or depressive symptoms, and could have wild behavioral issues when they reach adolescence. The authoritarian style doesn't help children develop an internal locus of control. They're always told what to do instead of learning to govern themselves.

Permissive Parenting (High Responsiveness/Low Demand)

The permissive parent does a 180 from the authoritarian approach. They're high on responsiveness but low on demand. This parent is as warm as a fresh-baked cookie but sets few rules or expectations. They'd rather avoid conflict and often treat their child more like a buddy than someone they're supposed to be guiding.

A kid who doesn't want to do homework? The permissive parent might say something like, "You don't wanna do your homework right now? That's alright, honey. Maybe work on it later."

Kids with permissive parents have a hard time with self-discipline and impulse control, are more self-centered, and could struggle following rules in school or other structured environments. But what do kids with permissive parents usually get? The message that their wants should always be catered to, which doesn't exactly prepare them for the real world where limits and frustrations are a reality. They tend to flounder in their teenage years and young adulthood.

Neglectful Parenting (Low Responsiveness/Low Demand)

Neglectful parenting wasn't initially part of Baumrind's original research. It was added in later by child development researcher Eleanor Maccoby.

Neglectful parents are low on both responsiveness and demand. They offer their kids neither guidance and structure nor emotional support and nurturing. In extreme cases, neglectful parents may fail to meet their children's basic needs.

A neglectful parent doesn't care if their kid plays games or does homework. If their child is having a hard time in school, the parent doesn't even bother to look up from their phone.

It's no surprise that kids raised with this style usually end up the worst off of all. Research shows that children who grow up with neglectful parents often develop attachment issues, are at higher risk for behavioral problems, and are more likely to engage in delinquent behavior.

Authoritative Parenting (High Responsiveness/High Demand)

The authoritative parent strikes a balance between firmness and warmth. They set clear expectations for their children but explain the reasoning behind them, enforcing rules while still being warm and responsive to their needs.

In the game-homework scenario, the authoritative parent would neither let their kid play games without doing homework nor yell "Get off now because I said so!" They'd approach their child with a more level-headed, "You know the rules. No games before homework is finished. If you finish your homework now, you can get back to Fortnite. If you need some help with your homework, I'm here to help."

Kids raised by authoritative parents generally do best. They have better emotional regulation, perform better academically, become more self-reliant, and have a higher sense of agency than kids raised with other parenting styles.

But remember - parenting styles aren't rigid categories. They're more like a flexible framework parents naturally shift between based on the situation and their kids' needs. Use them as a guide, but remember that every kid is unique and requires different parenting approaches at different stages.

1. After years of parenting, I've delved into various parenting books and articles, seeking valuable insights.
2. Interestingly, one framework that stands out is Diana Baumrind's child development research, which focuses on parenting styles.
3. Baumrind categorized parenting styles based on two dimensions: responsiveness and demandingness.
4. An authoritative parent, who strikes a balance between firmness and warmth, tends to perform exceptionally well in Baumrind's framework.
5. By setting clear expectations and explaining the reasoning behind them, an authoritative parent can help children develop self-discipline, emotional regulation, and a stronger sense of agency.
6. To promote family health and child development, it's crucial to understand and adopt various parenting styles while catering to the unique needs of each child.

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